Finally, I’d like to write in the long existing blog that Danielle has set up for our family. The past few months have been very busy for us as a family and for me. I don’t really know who reads this blog but I hope that I can post more often to give those with families as well as our friends and family a glimpse of what our life is like. I can’t begin to state with full affect how much Danielle does for our family. If our family was a stone arch. She is unequivicoally the keystone. In the past year, she has been a great mother and wonderful wife to Madison and me. It’s hard to state how difficult medical school would be without her help. Many of the times she is an outlet for my fears and concerns as well as advisor when I need help with tough decisions. I’m very blessed to have a talented wife like her.
Madison is a breath of fresh air to me when I get home from the hospital every day. As many of you know, the hospital is a place of miracles but often a place of dispair and death. While I love what I do, it is often emotionally, physically, and intellectually draining on a daily basis. But when I come home, I can always count on Madison and her big happy smile to run and give me a hug. Typically, she has something funny to show me like her “monk-monk” (monkey) or a book. No matter how tired I feel; I always want to read to Madison. She’s a joy to hold and now talk to. She’s quite the talker! Although many nights I would only get to spend 2-3 hours with Madison I always attempt to make those hours count. Being a medical student and having a child is challenging yet more rewarding than I could have thought. I’ve learned to maximize my time with family while I have the opportunity. Many times, we become apathetic in our lives and with our families. All too often we get caught in routines. It has taken medical school for me to realize that work stays at work and you need to soak up as much time with family and your children as you can while you have the time.
I entered medical school with much conviction but a fair amount of trepidation. It was always in the back of my mind that this profession is difficult and families make huge sacrifices. However, I believed Danielle would be strong enough to walk beside me on this journey and help raise our family. When we learned that Madison was coming it was so joyous. There’s nothing else in the world that feels like the day of your child’s birth. There were many new challenges that faced both Danielle and myself as we finished up my second year of medical school and began my third year. The recent loss of Danielle’s father was emotionally straining on both of us. Then Madison had a milk protein allergy shortly after her birth which made for many long nights. The toughest thing though was studying. The hours are long in medical school. After class it was 2 hours for dinner and baby time and then off to the library to study until 11 or 12 midnight. Then get up at 7 the next day and repeat. Weekends were filled with long hours in the library studying charts and anatomy ect. The points in the night when Madison would wake up for one reason or another were tiring but I actually enjoyed them in the end. I still think of being exhausted sitting on the couch with madison in her carrier looking up at me in the dark with her wide beady eyes looking at me. Suddenly, I felt like she was all that mattered to me. I could care less if I got an 89 or 90 on a test. I just wanted to raise her right. After my first board exam 2nd year it was refreshing to have a one month break and move back to SC. As I’ve watched her grow over the past 19 months, I’ve truly seen the work of God. Madison is a perfect mix of daddy and mommy. She has daddy’s attitude and mommy’s looks. THANK GOD! She’s so independent and extremely headstrong which will serve her well in life.
Probably the hardest year to be a father in medical school is 3rd year. You are away from the house much of the year and on call 4 times each month. The hardest was being on call. I felt I was gone for days. When I got home I would feel like I wanted to collapse and sleep but if I did I would miss the “awake time” that Madison had. So typically I would consume a moderate quantity of coffee and we would go to the park or play around the house until she napped. Then Daddy would nap. This worked well for those embarking on a similar journey. I thought that the next month would get better and I would have more time at home and each month it would be the same. I was home much of the month I did my ER rotation but, again, my hours were weird and I truly believe the “lifestyle” of ER isn’t as family friendly as it’s made out to be. Nevertheless, my third year culminated in 6 weeks of studying for my step II board exam. The difficulty was that I had to self motivate and spend time with Madison while I could. It was tough and I’m glad I finished it. As I start my fourth year and residency applications and interviews, I feel excited! I have no more tests to take, no more paperwork to fill out for this year (at least that I know about) and my time is time that I can spend with my family. Unfortunately, I’ll be traveling a lot this fall, first to Augusta GA, then to Columbia SC, and Jacksonville FL in December. I can only tell fellow med student parents that SKYPE is awesome. Get it and use it. I know I’ve been without it while I’ve been in Augusta and it’s hard to hear your daughter but not be able to see her make funny faces.
I hope to write more in the near future on some subjects of being a parent in medical school because it truly is both a huge challenge and joy. There have been many long nights on the wards and nights in the ER when I say to God “ thank you for giving me a great and loving family.” It’s about time for us to take madison to the park. Remember to always spend every moment you have with your family.
- Gabe McCoy
“second year Father School Student”
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